Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
