It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
