She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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