I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
