He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
