Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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