I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
