I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I supernannyed him into submission
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
