I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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