problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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