i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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