Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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