She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
