Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize