ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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