My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
