This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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