How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
40s are totally the cure
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
