Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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