no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
