He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
