Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
