this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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