you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I want a musical about memes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
