Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
