I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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