1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
