there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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