I'm jealous of your bromance
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
