Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry š¬
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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