it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
where am i from again
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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