Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
