In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
