I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just tell him i said nine months
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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