I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
