I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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