P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
