Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
