just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize