..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
