Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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