apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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