Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
