i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Mom said you looked used
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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