She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize