You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
