someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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