Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
