i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize