i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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