he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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