Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
