Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
