Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
