Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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