explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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