Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
