I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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