96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
