You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
