you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
