I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
