I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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