I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
