That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
