Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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