Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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