How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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