i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This house was built for laser tag.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
