You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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