Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
