How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
