new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
