Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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