I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
