normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
