we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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