At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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