WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
