i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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