Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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