Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
