dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
