The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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