just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
