I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
